Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.