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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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