We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight