Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.