isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
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let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.