I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
