hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up