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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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