her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation