i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.