Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
