I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Duck Duck Cougar?