I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Duck Duck Cougar?