Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm fucking your sister right now.