i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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