1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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