part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There are leaves in my underwear?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
