Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he puts the penis in happiness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation