Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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