ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.