I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
