im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.