No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.