So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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