She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".