dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.