doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.