Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.