so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
