There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
no you cant smoke seaweed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU