Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like