it was like having sex with a tree stump
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.