Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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