I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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