I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.