So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
