Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up