But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...