I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.