i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am