the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
