My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
