Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.