I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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