he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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