somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
