A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.