Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.