Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.