When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
birth control should be required to get into college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".