Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
tonight lets celebrate not being married