did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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