Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The adults are the big ones right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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