U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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