Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.