i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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