I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.