I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
