My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos