My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos